After all, isn't being an introvert ALL the rage these days?(Everywhere you turn, you hear how much happier introverts are in life, love and work.)Then, the you slips out. I nursed cramps in my hand throughout my elementary years from writing, "I will not talk in class" over and over.
I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. However well-intentioned it may be, it flies in the face of a major factor essential to an introvert’s well-being—alone time. So yes, you will have times when sitting across from another human being, you’ll feel you’d rather pull out your molars without Novocaine than think of another word to say to this person. I feared if I declined, I would be passing up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will have days when unexpected issues arise at work, your cat gets sick, a family member calls with an emergency, or a friend emails with the last-minute favor to which you have to say yes because they helped you out last week.It might sound pretty reasonable when you first hear it except for the fact that it’s utter bullshit. It took me years of dating before I finally started ignoring this type of “practical” advice. For introverts, first dates are minefields of small talk and mindless chatter. if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one to hear it, would this date be just as bad? As a result, I spent the following weekend on the couch, exhausted, spiraling down the rabbit hole of a bad television binge, barely able to peek around the door when the delivery guy dropped off my take-out. If you have a date scheduled that evening and you just can’t go, so be it.In the interest of promoting harmony, here are some tips on how to effectively court and date an introvert.1.Just as nature abhors a vacuum, we abhor vacuous small talk.You can't hold the words inside any longer and they suddenly flow from your mouth like lava into the Pacific Ocean. During the holidays my family played "The Quiet Game" in the car and I lost every single time ... But being an extrovert or an introvert isn't about being shy or speaking out; it's about how you gain energy and how you process life events and situations.
As you try to fall asleep after another less-than-stellar date, you berate yourself for not mastering the art of keeping your mouth shut. Being around others energizes extroverts, while introverts need quiet (and sometimes solitude) to recharge.
Community Q&A It can be harder to tell if a shy and socially awkward person likes you, because they may not know how to approach people. Once you have broken in to their lives and understand their world you can relax and act as you would around anybody else.
In the end, you will feel a sense of achievement in knowing this person, because you will have uncovered a secret; their personality.
You may even feel a little ashamed about being an extrovert, with the introvert-positive movement that started rolling the nation when Susan Cain's book came out. Being extroverted isn't bad or wrong, it's just a part of who you are.
Besides, one of the worst things you can do to yourself is waste time pretending you're someone you're not.
Introverts tend to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and minimize their contact with other people.